Antone Henry Hammers

This has been a long time coming from me.  Apple has successfully duped a huge portion of the market share into thinking their products are some how superior to that of any other brand.  I am known to my friends and family and such as a knowledgeable person when it comes to purchasing, using, and servicing all sorts of electronic devices.  I will agree with them, but I am no programming or A+ certified kind of whiz.  I’m a consumer who educates himself and tries his best to take care of his own problems related to his pieces of technology all for one reason, I am cheap.  So when someone comes to me and says, “I’m going to buy a Macbook,” I ask the question, “What are you going to use this computer for?”  Usually the response is something to do with school or work.  Nothing you could use a PC for.

This is not an ad for Windows.  Hell we’ve all had our share of problems using that operating system.  Not based on it’s suckiness, it’s just so damn popular that hackers/bakers/infants can make a program to run on it.  With so much shit out there for you to clog  your computer’s arteries with, and your average computer user’s non-knowledge of how to use this expensive porn box they bought, this leads the user to believe in all of this anti-Windows slander.

Now let’s get to what I really want to bitch about.  If I am using a Mac, I am young, kinda attractive, pretty hip.  If I am using a PC, I’m overweight, dimwitted, can’t see very well without glasses, and some sort of no-fun person wearing a suit.  Obviously, Apple has never heard of Barney Stinson.  But that’s another topic.

What really gets under my skin is people somehow believing that because Apple computers are ridiculously expensive, have pretty looking cases, and slick ad campaigns that means all of their products are better than their competition.  I really just don’t want to hear another dullard try to explain to me how the Mac is better than the PC.  Here’s a clue, idiot, they are the same god damn thing. You’re not aligning yourself with a different, current, and hip computing device, you’re aligning yourself with a brand.  A brand that rapes you for your money, and let’s you believe it was well spent.

Now, by all means, using OSX because of the software sold for it is a different story.  Some folks need themselves Final Cut, or iMovie, or Garage Band or things like that.  There aren’t too many great video/audio editing programs that run for Windows.   Not that match up to the usefulness of the OSX programs.

Just do some research before throwing away an extra 700 dollars on a computer that you’re only using to play Farmville and check email.  You’ll see that there’s no reason to give that silly fruit double of what you can pay for the same quality of machine.

This entry didn’t turn out as good as I expected.  It was supposed to be more entertaining, it’s really just nerdy.  I guess now it’s a mission to save you a little bit of cash.  Or hire me to build you a “Mac” for a lot cheaper than buying one at the Apple store or Best Buy.  It’s not even well put together.  Oh well.  Sucks you read it.

Good trick I played on you, dummy.

I had this thought the other day while working at this beautiful Thai restaurant with amazing food.  We carry chopsticks, barely involved in Thailand’s culture.  Why?  Pretentious assholes that think they’re somehow enlightened by being able to use a useless tool.  A quick wikipedia study shows that chopsticks are super ancient.  The earliest record of the eating utensil dates back to 1200BC.  Though a citation is needed on this wikipedia article, chopsticks were originally made for cutting food, not some sort  of tweezers extending from your fingers to awkwardly pick up pieces of food.  Just because ancient Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, and whatever other Asian cultures used to use these things, doesn’t mean that any time you go to some local Asian food place that you need to ask for a pair so that you can show you know what’s going on.

I am not sure if anyone really knows about this exciting new technology, but I am very happy to share it with you all.  It’s called a fucking fork.  Not only can you act like a civilized person and not eat by scooping piles of food into your mouth with your bare hands, you can pick it up without having to train your fingers to try and pinch a tiny fragment of whatever the hell is on your plate and drop it in your mouth.  Honestly, besides the  sheer fun of trying out something different to us ignoramuses in this place, I don’t know why you would ever try to use this difficult tool.  If you go over the Pacific to an Asian culture that uses primarily the chopstick, by all means, try to fit in.  Otherwise, if you’re here, be proud to say that you are living beyond the negative 13th century and will be happy to show how you evolved into a smarter mammal that can develop better and more efficient ways to perform the most basic action of the world’s animate creatures.  We should probably all just be hooked up to IV’s at this point in order to regulate our obesity problems and probably stabilize the world’s food supply.  To avoid further tangents I will sum this up, just because you are an American using chopsticks when you eat your sushi or random American-Asian chicken, does not mean you are more cultured than the person next to you using a fork.  It really just means you’re insecure.